Change is Possible
Day 49: Freedom To Have Self-Control
[1] But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. [2] Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. [3] Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, [4] and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, [5] to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. [6] Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. (ESV)
-Titus 2:1–6 (emphasis added)
Self-control is needed by every single person in the Body of Christ in the Titus passage above. It’s the one trait that Paul urges Titus to encourage in everyone.
I think every single person eventually realizes that they need self-control.
I can’t eat as many cookies as I would like. I can’t scratch a mosquito bite until it stops itching. I can’t act on every impulse I have or else I will die. As I have matured, I have grown in my capability to exhibit self-control: I don’t fall down in a crying tantrum if I can’t have my way, I don’t insist on eating dessert first, and I don’t try to snatch things away from others just because I like it too.
It is always hard to have self-control, even in my “second half” of life. For example, I can’t stop eating chocolate every day. It’s hard to get up early and read my Bible. I always want more coffee in the morning, but I can’t tolerate more than my one (big) mug. I break most of my “New Year’s Resolutions” in January.
I hope you relate to my lists, but there are much more serious problems with self-control in my life and yours. What about those negative thought patterns that we just can’t break? What about our addictions to food, alcohol, sex, substances, or being right? What about our triggers that always elicit the same, outrageous response? A lack of self-control is indeed the basis for most of our problems.
If we can build up self-control through sheer will-power, why don’t we see more success in our lives? It seems that we need something more than will-power. Here is the key to self-control: we need the gospel of Jesus Christ if we ever hope to see transformation in our lives.
Change is possible because the King has come!
Jesus exhibited perfect self-control. He was passionate, but not overcome with His passions. He was fun to be around, but He didn’t live to please people or over-indulge. He firmly opposed the evil people of his day, but He accepted anyone who would come close to listen to His words. He loved His Father and obeyed, even when His human will was different from the Father’s will. His unrestrained, uncontrolled, restless scream from the cross, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” is our only hope for self-control—by His wounds, we are healed.
When we realize that our new identity is in Christ, we see the power that Jesus wants to give us for true, beautiful, non-legalistic self-control. Let today’s freedom challenge inspire you to desire more self-control. It’s not about trying harder—it’s about surrendering more. The more you need Jesus’ help, the more help and self-control He will give you, and the more victory you will find each day. Let’s cheer for each other to enjoy the freedom that the Holy Spirit brings, growing all the supernatural fruit in our lives.
Father, we are weak, unable, and desperate for Your help as we consider our need for self-control. We have no hope of mustering up self-control on our own. We know we have tried and failed. We regularly fall back into our patterns of negative thoughts, bad behavior, over-indulgence, and laziness. Please give us hope today that You are mighty to save, mighty to transform, and willing to help us in our weakness. Help us to fix our eyes on Jesus—His perfect obedience and self-control. Give us joy when we see Your transformation in our lives, and help us to cheer for others who are walking this path with us today. We love Your ways, we love Your words, and we love Your beautiful fruit that you are growing in our lives. Hallelujah! Amen.
TL;DR Summary:
Day 49: Freedom To Have Self-Control
Lie: You must act on your feelings and emotions or you are not being true to yourself. Anyone who tells you to control your impulses is repressing you and should be cancelled.
Truth: Every person has destructive patterns of thought and behavior that lead to slavery and death. We find freedom through the Holy Spirit, who gives us the power to say no to sinful desires and to say yes to godliness, contentment, and self-control.
World’s Pattern: If it feels good, do it. Let your desires and passions control your life, because that makes you authentic, enlightened, and attractive. The real you will never change, so why bother trying?
Kingdom Pattern: God rescued me from slavery to my passions and desires, and slavery to Satan who tricks and deceives me with counterfeit pleasure. I am a new creation in Jesus Christ, and my real self is becoming more like Jesus: full of love for God and others, humility, self-control, and self-sacrifice. I see how selfishness, pride, and sin lead to death, and I hate that path. Knowing God is my greatest pleasure in life.
For Further Study: Read Colossians 3
Read the entire chapter trying to find examples of self-control. The word “self-control” is not in the chapter, but it is well-described (or its opposite) in all the verses. Make yourself a list of self-controlled behaviors that you wish to see in your life. Ask God to help you change.
Verse 1 is the secret to life. You see yourself as crucified with Christ, and then raised with Christ. Verse 2 is practical: do a thought-biopsy of all your thoughts and get rid of the ones that aren’t heaven-focused. Verse 3 means we are safe for eternity: hidden in Christ. Verse 4 gives us a taste of glory, because we are now in Christ. Write down a prayer praising God for these truths.
Put to death (verses 5-9), then put on (verses 12-17). That’s the pattern we need for self-control. Put to death the evil over-desire, and put on the opposite trait that is like Jesus. Pray these verses out loud, asking God to help you do these things today.
End your time with worship. Only God can create self-control in your life, and He will do it because you want Him to, now that you are in Christ.
For more on growing in your faith through the power of God’s Word, watch this Drink from the River of Delight podcast:
If you need spiritual guidance from God’s Word and the Holy Spirit, with a trusted friend walking with you, please consider an hour session with me.
What has helped you grow in self-control? Comment below!
The thing about self control is that it's the only kind of control that doesn't produce anxiety.
Trying to control other people, or circumstances, outcomes and results is not a virtue - in fact it's the very way that peace is lost.
But self-control is not only a fruit of the Spirit, it's also one of the classical cardinal virtues (which are Prudence, Justice, Fortitude, and Temperance). Temperance, of course, being the archaic word for it.
So as we trust the only one who is truly in control of all we are tempted to worry about, we keep our peace. This makes it much easier to focus our attention inward on the things he has left within our control.